Luinil

Im dying man! its a shitty life. how can someone keep on living with all the shit going around? 

you see, you'll never know what's gonna happen to you. to the actual you. that's the big surprise. that's the secret that will forever be a secret. actualy not forever. just till the moment you die.

you can make plans. you can even achieve your goals, you can become whatever you wanna be on the outside, but what you'll evantualy become on the inside is totally unknown.

i've always believed that no one will ever figure out who I really am, but lately I've been thinking if I know who I am. cause I dont and it's killing me. 

I feel like Im stuck in between. between who I wanna be and who my parents want me to be. I've forgot everything and I dont have a clue about what shoud i do. Im running back and forth. like a hung body in the middle of a rye. wind blowing on me and my mind is traveling far far away. 

yeah Im sad. maybe Im depressed. maybe I wanna kill myself or maybe I dont. or it could be that Im overreacting. how long? someone please tell me how long is it gonna take for me to be saved. cause I know I need saving and I dont know anyone besides myself well suited for the job. but the point is... even im not the right person to save myself from the madness in my head. God I wish i was never born. it's a forced life. it's a lie within a lie within a lie. i have to break free but I dont have the courage to do so. im still afraid of falling. i still have nightmares of long long falls and no one ever stops me.

do you think our childhood dreams were a clue? is that what they say? about already knowing what your life's gonna be and choosing to live it everyday anyway? 

has my heart already surrendered? is this all im ever gonna get? justice... what an empty word.